Ireland's Other

Subject: Thinking of you

Date: Fri, 29 Sep 2006 16:25:30

Hello My Dearest Simon,

How are you today?

I guess it is well if so thanks be to God almighty.honey please i want to know if you did reveived the last mail i send to you with the bank contact of my late father account in Senegal?if no please do let me know so that i can resend it again to you so that you can contact the bank on my behalf,thinking of you.

As i wait to hear from you soon.

My great regards

Miss Susi

with love & trust.

From: "Simon Chicanery"

Subject: RE: Thinking of you

Date: Fri, 29 Sep 2006 23:33:51

Susi i fokking love yuo

i been drin kin a long time today an i decided you the girl for me i love you so fokkin much

i got up this mornin and went out into the field in which i live in and found one of my sheep and said gopod mornin an it was nice like usual but it wweren't as fokkin good as i ninow you an i would nbe togteher i fookin lobve you soo fojkkin miuc yioup;lre the fokin besft bettr than all the rest i jst want you to come her eand live me on the isle of whit e and we coud raise sheeps togethre and be hapy

i so sotrty i aint ben mailin you the last day or so cos i been busy buryin that girl what i did founed on the A3540 near my luxurty apartymnet blokx in the filed with all og korean asian sdheeps

i wan tto do nothin else tahn hepl you ghet out of that fokkin camp and come over hearr live wiht me in my luxury apatrment buildign

i fokkin lobe yuo

-sinom

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

From: "Simon Chicanery"

To: house4grace@minister.com

Subject: RE: Respond from Rev.Pedrol Dominic

Date: Fri, 29 Sep 2006 23:38:03

dare rwb

i aint no fokkin moron, i fokkin now the bilbe

god knwos i fokkin done some fokkin bad thnigs wehn i been on the moors late at nihgt an seeen some gril drivin in some landrevor wtah broked down and suhc an had me way wiht hre labradorrrsds

but fok;s sake i do loveb my dere SUSI

plees let her nkow tat

-siomnn

xxxxxxxxxxx

From: "Simon Chicanery"

Subject: RE: Thinking of you

Date: Fri, 29 Sep 2006 23:59:49

i hoep yuo knowe i fokkin love you

i lockde the sheep out tonihgt for you

-s

xxxxxxxxxxx

From: "Simon Chicanery"

Subject: sorry

Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2006 12:07:00

Susi

i am so sorry about last night. that was no kind of language to use in the company of a lady. i apologise. the truth is i was celebrating yesterday as i was acquitted due to lack of evidence. the boy's family was not happy but i was over the moon so i went down the pub called the ARSE AND TROMBONE and drank PIMS and SCHNAPS for 12 hours.

as for contacting the bank, i will do that STRAIGHT RIGHT AWAY. don't you worry my pet, we'll have you out of that filthy dangerous place in no time. would you like to come and visit me when you're out? you can stay in my pit, or as i like to call it, my murderhole. i promise to be nice and not to swear. i like bowls and olympic stabbing, what kind of sports do you like?

-simon

xxx

From: "Susi"

Reply-To: susi_saleeby@myway.com

Subject: Thinking of you.

Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2006 14:05:00

Hello My Dearest Simon,

I was surprise when i read your first & second mail of yesterday,but when i saw today mail it was then i know that is like you felt on top the world and was very happy yesterday,Anyway your apology is accepted,you know at time is good for one to have fun becuase is a free world.

Meanwhile i would have love to come over to your country as soon as i am out from this Camp,but i have to let you know this as i did not have an international passport or any valid documents for travelling this are my handicap why i need your assistant to help me make the transfer of my late father fund to your account over there in your country there you can send me some money to get my documents prepared for my traveling to come to your country to start a new life there.

Again i ,have to tell you this please promise me that you will not dissapoint me as i am falling inlove with you, i am promissing you that i will not dissapoint you in life,i am ready to spend all the rest of my life with you and i will be honest to you in every area in life as i did not have any other person around me.

please honey try to contact the bank and tell them that you are my Truistee/Foreign partner & beneficiary that you want to know the possibilities of transfering my father's money to your personal account in your country.

As i wait to hear from you soon,Thinking of you.

My great regards

Miss susi Saleeby

with love & trust.

From: "Simon Chicanery"

To: boase@sanfranmail.com

CC: boase@mail2world.com

Subject: REQUEST FOR TRANSFER OF DOSH PLEASE

Date: Sun, 01 Oct 2006 21:35:51

Dearest Mr. Bank Manager Omar sir:

PLEASE BE ADVISED AND WARNED THAT I - SIMON CHICANERY - WILL BE ACTING AS FOREIGNER TRUSTEE FOR THE LADY SUSI SALEEBY. PLEASE TRANSFER ALL FUNDS IMMEDIATELY RIGHT NOW.

Thanks and regards

S Chicanery MA

04 April, 2008

Return of Scambaiting: Mad Simon Says Hi

Willonzo returns with this second bite at the apple for the put-upon Susi Saleeby...

From: "Simon Chicanery"

Subject: hi

Date: Thu, 21 Sep 2006 22:17:23

hi Susi!

i really appreciated your message! do you want to chat?

simon x

From: "Susi"

Reply-To: susi_saleeby@myway.com

Subject: I want to know about you

Date: Mon, 25 Sep 2006 21:13:26

Hello My Dearest Simon,

I am more than happy in your reply to my mail.Anyway i wish to briefly introduce myself to you. i am a young girl and the daughter of a well known person in my country.My name is Miss Susi Saleeby from Liberia in West Africa,I am just about 24 years old,5ft.7inches 60kg weight. light in complexion and speak english.i love sport out, going activities, watching of moving, shopping, walking etc.(never married before )How was your day?,Mine is a little bit hot over here in Dakar Senegal,because i am presently residing in the refugee camp here in Dakar as a result of the Crises that happened right in my Country.

Well we shall discuss further on our relationship when i receive your reply to this letter to you.,i will be more than happy to get reply to my mail.Meanwhile my father was late Dr. Elie E. Saleeby, Governor and Chairman of (CBL)Central Bank of Liberia, before the rebels attacked our house one fateful early morning got every one Assasinated while i escape with my father to come to Dakar.It is only my father and me that was alive and we managed to make our way to nearby country here Senegal where we where leaving before my father's death,And full of sorrow and help especially for life and to be loved.

However,i would like to know more about you.Your likes and dislikes, your hobbies and what you are doing presently.I will tell more about myself in my next mail.

Attached here is my picture though l am not photo but l want you to take me as l am ok.kindly try and let us talk deeply cos' there's many thing that we can actually discuss as well for you to kindly try and help me get out of the Camp.

As i wait to hear from you soon

My great regards with love and trust.

Miss Susi.

[PICTURE OF SUSI]

From: "Simon Chicanery"

Subject: RE: I want to know about you

Date: Mon, 25 Sep 2006 22:14:08

Susi

allow me to introduce myself properly and correctly. i am Simon Chicanery, i am 40 years old. i live in a field near the town of fishbourne just off the A3054 on the isle of white, united kingdom, england. i live in a field, within which is a luxury apartment block in which i live in. i am 43 years old and i am not married, i.e. i have NO wife. i live alone in my luxury apartment block in my field in which no one else lives in. except the sheep. i have attached a picture of myself, but also i am not very photogenic. i am the one on the right.

i very much liked your picture, you are very beauteous even though i usually like asians. they have lovely long dark hair and olive skin, i have many pictures from the internet if you want em. but you look almost as good.

i am very sorry about your father, when did he die? he sounds very interesting, what kind of doctor was he? i have a skin condition which requires constant medical attention so i meet with many doctors professionally and socially, and i am very well to do so money is not a problem. i also enjoy bowls. what kind of sports do you like?

-s

[PICTURE OF FAT BALD OLD MAN WITH SHEEP]

From: "Susi"

Reply-To: susi_saleeby@myway.com

Subject: This is my full life story with love & trust.

Date: Tue, 26 Sep 2006 15:55:27

Hello My Dearest Simon

How are you today?

This is my full life story,Meanwhile l hope you are fine?if so thanks be to God almighty how was your day i guess it is well, Anyway for me my day is a little bit hot over here in Dakar Senegal.ln the refugee Camp we find it hard to go out because we are not allowed to do so,its just like one staying in the prison and l hope by God's grace l will come out here soon.

We don't have any relatives now whom we can go to all our relatives ran away in the middle of the war the only person we have now is Rev.Pedrol Dominic who is the pastor of the (Christ the king of Churches) here in the camp he has been very good to me since l came here but l am not living with him rather l am living in the women's hostel because the camp have two hostels one for men the other for women.

The Pastor's Tel number is (00221-554-74-16) if you call and tell him that you want to speak with me he will send for me in the hostel.As a refugee here i don't have any right or privilege to any thing be it money or whatever because it is against the law of this country.I want to go back to my studies because i only attended my first year before the tragic incident that lead to my being in this situation now took place.

Honey,please l would like you to know that l have my late father's statement of account and death certificate here with me which l will like to send to you to assist me,because when he was alive he deposited some amount of money in a leading bank here in Senegal.which he used my name as the next of kin. The amount in question is $3.7(Three Million Seven Hundred Thousand Dollars).

So l will like you to assist me transfer this money to your account and from it you can send some money for me to get my traveling documents and air ticket to come over to meet with you. I have got intouch with this bank in mail and made them to know about my plan of withdraw this money,l also got them aware of the death of my father and they have acknowledged it with all there confirmation.

However,they advise me to get in touch with a very responsible person who will stand on my behalf as my trustee as regards to this money since l am presently of refugee status over here and wouldn't be permitted to handle this amount of money, they also let me know about the bond which they signed with my father that the money will be handled to me in bulk amount which means that l should decide on if l should continue with the bank or not.I just have to let you know about this so that you can assist me to be my trustee on this money.like l said l want you to call me because l have alot to tell you.

l kept this secret to people in the camp here the only person that knows about it is the Reverend because he is like a father to me,a,d please let it be a confidencial,you don't have to tell anybody about it for our security reasons.

Have a nice time and think about me. my dear, this is the email address of the Reverend (house4grace@minister.com and house4grace_minister@yahoo.com)you i saw your picture you look sweet and healthy i love it, l hope to hear from you soonest.

My great regards

Miss Susi

with love,trust.& Kisses

From: "Simon Chicanery"

Subject: RE: This is my full life story with love & trust.

Date: Tue, 26 Sep 2006 23:53:49

my dearly beloved Susi

i am fine today, thank you for asking. i am very sorry and aroused to hear about your inconvenient and oddly familiar predicament in the refugee camp in Dakar Senegal. i am interested to hear you are not allowed to leave the camp or go outside ever, as only last week i came across a young lady whose car had broken down on the A3054 on the Isle of Man near my field in which my luxury apartment block has been built. i very kindly invited her to climb into the back of my truck and took her back to my luxury 8th floor apartment where i subsequently allowed her to sleep in the pit in my basement and didn't let her out and lowered her food in a basket using a pulley system so that she never saw my face at any stage (just in case) and eventually she came to like it there or at least i think she did as i've not heard a peep from her in the last couple of days. :-)

in short, you may find that you will come to like your new way of life in the refugee camp, there are certainly worse places believe me. however, if you decide you wish to find out what these things are, you may use my bank account to transfer your father's savings. i will not sped the money as i am loaded already.

Banco Islandé de Guernsey

From: "Simon Chicanery"

Subject: full bank details in full

Date: Wed, 27 Sep 2006 19:17:11 +0100

Susi old girl

very sorry for rudely breaking off mid-sentence last night, but there was a small emergency here in my luxury tenth floor penthouse apartment. as i was typing out my bank details for you in my email, i heard a ruckus brewing in the vicinity of my kitchen. for a moment i thought maybe that there was an intruder in the building trying to make off with my priceless collection of action man pelvises (1975-1982, the ones with the blue y-fronts).

i looked up from my computer at the writing desk - it's a lovely edwardian piece with a custom-made inlay made from discarded children’s' milk teeth - to see Gareth my pet sheep running towards me. he tried to bolt between my legs, causing me to unbalance and fall against the desk knocking the computer onto the floor. the resulting carnage and slaughter of Gareth meant that my email was both cut short and sent to you prematurely. how tragic! so now i present to you my bank details in full:

Banco Islandé de Guernsey

Absurdity Gardens, Fishwad

SUX46548

ENGLAND

Account holder: Simon Judith Chicanery

Bank Sorting Banking Codification (for Bank use): 79-6543

Plausible Account number: 548765434821-546848-A

i hope this is enough information for you to act. if not please let me know and i shall supply to you whatever your dear little reptilian heart desires.

also, if you wish to send me your father's death cert and bank statement, please send them to me, Mr. Simon Chicanery, "care of" the bank above. i would appreciate some light reading, also i have run out of lav paper.

i hope also that we can get to know each other better and more closely. to tell you more about me, i am 46 years old, i am white, i am bald, i am fat, i have sheep. the sheep live in my field. there are no indigenous sheep in ENGLAND so i need to have them shipped in from north korea. sometimes i like to let them into the luxury apatrment complex in which i live in and allow them to wander the apartments and take up residence in rooms of their own choice. i then grow a full beard and pretend to be basil faulty and that the luxury apartment complex is a hotel and that the sheep are the guests and that gareth is connie booth. i go through more sheep that way i can tell you!!!

i very much enjoy bowls and curling. what kind of sports do you like?

kiss kiss

-simon

21 March, 2008

Susi Saleeby, Part 10 - Finish It Already

From: "Barrister Abdullahi Djallo"

Reply-To: amdychambers@myway.com

Subject: RE: Greetings.

Date: Wed, 6 Sep 2006 17:59:46

ATTENTION MR.WILLONZO TERRABYTE O'NUALAIN

WHILE I WAIT FOR YOU TO SEND ME FURTHER TRANSACTION DETAILS, I DEMAND THAT YOU SHOULD FORWARD ME A SCAN COPY OF YOUR IDENTITY, DIRECT TELEPHONE NUMBER THROUGH WHICH I CAN REACH YOU TO BE SURE OF WHOM I AM WORKING FOR. I AM BEGINNING TO LOOSE INTEREST IN THIS ASSIGNMENT AND I CAN ONLY ACCEPT TO CONTINUE IF YOU CAN ENDEAVOUR TO FORDWARD YOUR EITHER YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE OR AN INTERNATIONAL PASSORT.

I HAVE SERIOUS DOUBTS ABOUT YOUR COMITTMENT IN THIS OPERATION AND I AM TO BUSY TO WASTE MY TIME ON A CLAWN, INDEED YOU ARE A CHARACTER AND I PUT A QUESTION MARK ON YOUR CAPABILITY TO CONTROL THIS MAGINUDE OF FUND. I HAVE SEVERAL POINTS AGAINST YOU. I CAN ONLY BE CONVINCED WHEN I VIEW YOUR IDENTITY AS WELL AS HAVING YOUR DIRECT PHONE CONTACT. I WANT TO CALL YOU ON THE PHONE BY MYSELF BEFORE I CAN BE CONVINCED TO PROCEED.

HONESTLY I AM NO LONGER INTERESTED IN HAVING THE LEGAL FEE SENT TO ME ANY MORE BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHOM YOU ARE AND WHAT EXACTLY YOU DO FOR A LIVING. THANK YOU.

YOURS SINCERELY

ABDULLAHI DJALLO

AMDYCHAMBERS,DAKAR-SENEGAL.

From: "Willonzo O'Nualain"

To: amdychambers@myway.com

Subject: RE: Greetings.

Date: Wed, 06 Sep 2006 23:14:04

Dear Miss Lawyer / sir,

Listen Johnny Cochrane, please stop shouting at me! Your voice is very loud and I have sensitive ears. I can't stand it when you shout as it is unnecessary.

In response to your queries, firstly I must explain to you what Western Union have told me with their human mouths and tongues. THERE HAS BEEN IN ERROR IN THE WESTERN UNION COMPUTERISED MONEY / CASH SYSTEM AND SOME TRANSFERS TO SENEGAL OVER A CERTAIN AMOUNT HAVE BEEN AFFECTED ADVERSELY. THE AMOUNT OF MY TRANSFER TO YOU WAS CHANGED FROM US$2,450 TO 7 FRANCS BY THE COMPUTER (GREMLINS). This gross misconduct was the result of an errant paper aeroplane striking a keyboard and a subsequent (small) fire.

I am working hard to ensure the cash is transferred POST HASTE, but this requires co-operation with Western Union and they do not like me. I accidentally injured their cat with a sharp-tipped umbrella while in their office on Tuesday. However, THEY HAVE ASSURED ME THE ISSUE WILL BE RESOLVED ASAP.

In your email you say that you "DEMAND THAT YOU SHOULD FORWARD ME A SCAN COPY OF YOUR IDENTITY, DIRECT TELEPHONE NUMBER". You demand, sir??? Have you ever heard the expression "The customer is always right"? You have a lot to learn about civil comportment, sir!

Also, PLEASE DO NOT CALL MY WIFE DIRECTLY REGARDING MONEY MATTERS. YOU ARE WORKING FOR ME AND I EXPECT YOU TO FOLLOW MY INSTRUCTIONS. IF YOU WANT TO GET PAID, PLEASE BE NICER TO ME. BELIEVE ME RUMPOLE, THERE ARE PLENTY OTHER LAWYERS IN AFRICA...

Many thanks and highest regards,

Willonzo

PS What are you wearing? I bet you're hot.

From: "Willonzo O'Nualain"

To: house4grace_minister@yahoo.com

Subject: URGENT SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE REQUIRED IMMEDIATELY (LIKE YESTERDAY)

Date: Wed, 06 Sep 2006 23:38:47

Holy Reverend of the Black Arts who looks down on me from heaven and blesses me and sends angels to remind me to tape my favourite programmes:

Rev, I have always relied on you to help me in times of spiritual crisis and I am afraid this is one of those times.

The problem is, I have promised my dear Susi that I will help her escape the camp (as you well know, do not feign ignorance with me you crafty preacher), but I have hit a snag. When I went to the Western Union office to transfer the money, a man standing outside told me to spend my money on a sheep with five legs. (Such animals are rare in my country and demand a high price - an excellent and wise investment in anyone's language (mine is Swedish) and therefore a must-buy.)

The man’s sheep had a price tag exactly equal to the sum asked of me by THE LAWYER. I realised the great profit to be made on this purchase and so bought the sheep there and then. I would have more money to buy my Susi-doll a nice Hoover! Upon closer inspection however, I deduced that the creature was in fact a poodle with an erection - an animal that can be bought / sold for EUR10 at any fast food outlet.

Now I am undone! I was forced to send whatever funds I had remaining in my account (not much) to the lawyer. Now the lawyer is angry that he has not received the full sum. Also, the loan shark I borrowed the money from (you remember Fisty Magee don't you? Or did I tell you about him? Aha, nearly caught you out there) is anxious for me to repay my debt or he will break my wrists, which I need for typing absurd emails and performing other essential tasks.

And I have just been informed that I need to ask the lawyer to return the box of Cadbury's Flakes sent to him by Western Union as they accidentally filled the box with poisonous spiders. (Also, they don't like him.)

Please Rev, can you give me advice? I am DESPERATE!!! Susi is very unhappy with me and I am afraid she might do something silly and drink too much weed killer. Can you help us find another lawyer? One who will work for FREE? Or at least one who will not shout at me.

Waiting for your response to lift up my soul and rid me of the anxiety caused by the steadily thickening plot,

Willonzo Ulysses O'Nualáin

PS All Bow and Hail Santa

From: "Willonzo O'Nualain"

Subject: Forgive me please my sweet, our love soars like an eagle in the EASTERLY WIND

Date: Wed, 06 Sep 2006 23:49:52

Susi,

I know I have been bad. Can you please accept my apology and embrace me in forgiveness? I am SO SORRY that I made you sad / disappointed / enraged / damp. I am sorry that the days of me making you lough! lough!! lough!!! are far behind us now, like a hazy water-coloured memory.

I want to make it up to you - Will you let me know your address so I can send you a present? I bought it for you especially, it is very special and cost me a lot of money. Let me ask you a question first though: Are you a dog person or a cat person?

ABOUT THE LAWYER:

I am very angry with him for speaking to you the way he did with disrespect. I told him that if he does not behave, we will find a NEW LAWYER. Do you know of any other lawyers who are lovely? If not, I will continue to try to work with this one, but I do not think he is attracted to me, he has ignored my advances so far (but doubtless I will wear down his resistance yet with my charms).

I DO NOT WANT YOU TO WORRY ABOUT THE LEGAL FEES. Please let me handle it and do not speak to the lawyer anymore. He is a DICK. And DO NOT WORRY ABOUT GETTING OUT OF THE camp. Love will find a way, my little African pumpkin pie.

I will speak to you soon. I hope you are sleeping well right now, all tucked up in your little cell, dreams of sugar plums and vegetables dancing in your head.

Willonzo

(former Alternative Miss Ireland, 1973)

From: "Willonzo O'Nualain"

To: boase@sanfranmail.com

Subject: URGENT REQUEST

Date: Wed, 06 Sep 2006 23:59:53

Dear Mr. Omar,

I have spent the day in an opium den researching our future investment opportunity and I have come to the conclusion that A) narcotics are an excellent investment, B) they are best sold instead of used and 4) I have a slight liquidity issue at present.

CAN YOU PLEASE FORWARD ME INFO / BROCHURES ON YOUR SHORT TERM LOANS? I do not require a huge sum and you can use the US$3.7m as collateral if you wish.

Please revert to me with rates, offers etc. ASAP and immediately (by next week). Do not say that you were warned.

Your Willonzo baby

PS What are you doing Friday night? I know a little Italian place, great atmosphere, nice wine. Call me.

From: "Bob Geldof"

Subject: RAISING MONEY FOR SUSI SALEEBY

Date: Thu, 07 Sep 2006 01:34:30

Hoi there Susi,

I am Bob Geldof. My friend Bono is the leader of the rock group The U2 and he has alerted me to your situation in the refugee camp in Dakar Senegal, roight (roish)?

I have been in these camps myself loike, so I know how awful they are - no running water, rats, only one PC for every five people and broadband service without providing your own free homepage. This has always seemed unacceptable to me, so I am going to do something to help.

I am setting up a GIANT ROCK concert, which I am going to call SCAM-AID or maybe even SUSI-AID. All the major rock bands of the world will take part (except The U2), including Phil Collins, Human League, Spandau Ballet and even Boney M. I will sing "Tell Me Why..." It will be ledge.

In order for this to take place though, I will need you to send me US$3,899.00 in order to draw up legal papers for the Dakar high court loike. Can you please transfer these funds via Western Union ASAP.

I have to go now as Tiger Lily is putting spoons and forks in the microwave oven.

Your new best friend,

Boomtown Bob

From: "Mrs. Zainab Saleeby"

Subject: WILLONZO

Date: Thu, 07 Sep 2006 01:47:05

Susi my girl

i am very disappointed in you sorry to say it,no hearing from you speaking tongue or mails since i mail you days ago. Do you not love me,you momma who carry you and give birth? I have labour 4days before you come in world and make life misery for you mama and papa,but we still did loved you anyway and gave you feed sometime.Whats a matter you?

you should not treat poor boy willonzo so bad,he trying he best to help your out of camp and this situation in that you find youself bring you Dublin Irlandé is a nice a place. I think you very rude to him not give him enough chance. Only very short time he know each another and already you asking moneys and throwing fits very rude! i don't raise no rude childrens,i smack you upside yo head when seeing you.

Be good girl and talking with yo momma.

Mrs Saleeby

From: "Susi"

Reply-To: susi_saleeby@myway.com

To: zainab.saleeby@hotmail.com

Subject: RE: WILLONZO

Date: Thu, 7 Sep 2006 13:42:49

Dear, Mama, Thanks for your advice and concern about me God bless.

Susi

bye.

From: "Susi"

Reply-To: susi_saleeby@myway.com

Subject: RE: Forgive me please my sweet, our love soars like an eagle in the EASTERLY WIND

Date: Thu, 7 Sep 2006 13:44:27

Hello Sweet sweet honey the only surger in my tea you are so lovely God bless you thanks for your concern about me.byeSusi.

From: "Susi"

Reply-To: susi_saleeby@myway.com

To: boomtown.bob.geldof@hotmail.com

Subject: RE: RAISING MONEY FOR SUSI SALEEBY

Date: Thu, 7 Sep 2006 13:47:36

Thanks for your conern about me God bless you

bye

Susi.

From: "Susi"

Reply-To: susi_saleeby@myway.com

Subject: Please Co-operate with our Lawyer

Date: Thu, 7 Sep 2006 16:45:58

Hello honey,

I have to let you know this that i am really confuse of this own thing i don't know who is right or rong but from your own side i believe in you but the fact is that i did not know what is really going on,you should know that is not right for Western union to send money with wrong information two times this is unbelieveable,so with this you have to co operate with our Lawyer by prooving yourself to him that you not the kind of person as bad as he is thinking, by sending to him your identity ok please proof yourself for my sake.

Meanwhile i will like us to continue with him becasue if you come to look at it he know every thing about our deallings if we did not use him,he might have other miss to give me problems over here you know i am with him here,so please be kind with him as i wait to hear from you soon.

My great regards

Miss Susi with love & trust.

From: "Willonzo O'Nualain"

Subject: VERY AWFUL BAD NEWS OF TERRIBLE DISASTER / CRISES RIGHT IN MY COUNTRY (BYE)

Date: Thu, 07 Sep 2006 23:35:13

My loving and trusted Susi,

I would love nothing more than to send a scanned copy of my passport to your imaginary lawyer, along with my home address and real name, but I have more pressing concerns at the moment. Fisty Magee has just found out I spent his money on a randy poodle with terminal mange and cannot pay him back. He is on his way over to stuff me in the washing machine on spin cycle at 40 degrees.

So with that in mind, I am writing my last WILL and testicle. To you, I leave my collection of packaged mint condition Battlestar Galactica action figures (ca 1985). Please try and barter them for food or gin. I hope they serve you well...

Also, I think it would be unwise for you to come to Ireland as CIVIL WAR has just broken out over the construction of Bertie Land. In fact, REBELS have just entered my house to get everyone assassinated. Oh well.

I will always remember you and your crazy harebrained scheme (con) and the assorted arse banditry that we have enjoyed together. I hope you do not kill yourself as a result of this, ha ha.

May we meet again if not in this life, then in the next (under another pseudonym).

GOODBYE FOREVER

WILLONZO O'NUALAIN

(Cue national anthem, slow zoom-in on flag fluttering in breeze, fade out, title card: The End, roll credits, turn off projector, go home, eat pot noodle, sleep)

PS I have forwarded the details of all people involved, including yourself, Rev. Pedrol, Omar Ndiaye, Amdy Chambers and Miss Faith Omagbon Osemwonyemwen to INTERPOL to assist in helping you in your attempts to escape the camp. I hope they will be in touch with you soon!!

From: "Susi"

Reply-To: susi_saleeby@myway.com

Subject: RE: VERY AWFUL BAD NEWS OF TERRIBLE DISASTER / CRISES RIGHT IN MY COUNTRY (BYE)

Date: Fri, 8 Sep 2006 12:48:36

Thanks for your concern about me

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

From: "Dr. Elie E Saleeby" elie.e.saleeby@hotmail.com