Hillary Clinton Stimulated by Proximity to Natalie Portman

No further comment required. Thanks to Drop-out Boy.

Indecision '08: He Called Her a What??!

Check out this exposé of Republican presidential candidate John McCain over at RawStory.com. Apparently, old Johnny's fond of the cuss words. In fairness, most men are a little sensitive about receding hairlines and such, so she was asking for it if you want my opinion. Besides, even back in '92 McCaine must have been about 83 years old, so we can safely put that down to dementia and leave it at that.

Now that this has come out, I'm almost hoping McCaine wins the election. I want to hear him call Gordon Brown a "cock-knocker" on Fox News. (With thanks to Drop-out Boy for the link.)

Bertieland No More

Richard Nixon, Saddam Hussein and now, Bertie. A nation mourns the impending loss of one of its shiftiest statesmen. As has been suggested already, I fully support the declaration of May 6th as a national day of celebration. My only concern is that militant factions of Fianna Fáil will exploit the power vacuum, resulting in civil unrest among the proletariat. I'm prepared though; I have a schooner docked in Dun Laoghaire Harbour, ready to speed me to the Isle of Whight at the first signs of trouble. 

By the way, ever hand in your notice in a job only to have your boss say "It's all right, you can leave now." Well, we taxpayers are Bertie's employer. And I see no reason why he should have to work out his notice. Again, just a suggestion.

And while we're on the subject, I might as well point out yet another Herald Highlight (TM) from this week's freesheet:

This says it all doesn't it? I mean, the shock announcement of his resignation should have been anticipated given the outlandish desperate measures Bertie's resorted to this week. Not having read the story, I can only imagine a coven of Fianna Fáil occult adepts swathed in black robes chanting over the sarcophagus of the dead Haughey in an attempt to bring his evil spirit back from the other side. When CJ finally makes his appearance, he points a whispy, spectral finger at Ahern. "You were always a cute hoor, Bertie," he rasps, "but you're fucked now."

I only hope the tribunal doesn't ease up on him now; I want to see him whipped through the streets of Portlaoise...

Another Fine Day in Bertie-land

Michael Nugent over at That's Ireland has posted a devastating yet still incomplete summation of why Bertie (pictured with some other asshole) should be whipped naked on the streets of Drumcondra. Or at least not allowed to run the country anymore.

Hear hear. How much longer must we put up with this arse-banditry? I think it's time the army stepped up and did the decent thing: a bloody coup. Generals of Ireland! Rise up against your corrupt taoiseach! Generals-- hello? Army? Oh, that's right, they're all deaf.

Never happen...

I see over on That's Ireland that Michael Nugent has put forth the case for a secular constitution, right about... here. I'm sure on reading this, most reasonable Irish people will be shocked to discover that we have a constitution, much less one that declares Jesus Christ (pictured, centre) Divine Lord over all us Micks.

Now, being an agnostic-atheist, I'm all for a secular constitution. But it's never going to happen. It's not that the majority of Irish are fervently religious, but rather that we're fervently lazy and whingy. And you can already hear the tired old responses; "Why are we shelling out cash on a bleedin' referendum to amend the constitution when they haven't even built the Bertie-Bowl yet?"

Jaysus, I hate this country.

(Picture courtesy of the excellent Why, That's Delightful.)