While I was sitting at work this morning, deftly avoiding email queries as my staff scurried and carried out my orders without question (I'm really growing into this promotion thing), I received a very odd phone call from an anonymous tipster with some information about tomorrow's upcoming referendum.
"Hello," I said, a bit conventionally.
"Do you know what Libertas is?" said the voice on the other end of the line.
"What? Who is this?"
"Answer the question."
"Libertas? That's the group campaigning for a No vote, isn't it?"
"You should investigate its founder," said the voice.
"Interrogate the flounders?"
"Investigate its founder," said the voice, a bit louder.
"Sorry, it's a bad line. What's the name?"
"His name's Ganley."
"Ganley! Declan J Ganley."
"Oh, right. Bad line."
"Just check him out."
"Wait, who is this?"
I'm pretty sure that last bit was him hanging up, but as I said, it was a bad line, he may have been saying the word click and I picked it up wrong. Regardless, I did as he suggested and looked up this Ganley character on the internets.
And this is what I found: Ganley, whilst funding a campaign for a No vote on Lisbon in his free time, is the millionaire founder of something called Rivada Networks, an American company with links to the US military industrial complex, and spends his days between his residences in Galway and Washington DC. Could someone with a CV like this have some kind of vested interest in the outcome of the referendum tomorrow?
And the weirdness doesn't stop there. At lunch I sat down to eat my usual (cajun chicken panini, blueberry muffin) and opened up the Irish Times to find a story with the headline:
DISPUTE OVER LIBERTAS BUS INCIDENT WITH JOURNALIST
This is the odd story about Irish Times journalist Colm Keena who, at a scheduled Libertas press conference, leaned in the doorway of the Libertas campaign bus to request an interview only to be rudely ejected. The young woman approached by Keena, a student from Sligo, was "threatened and intimidated and became visibly upset" according to Libertas. Keena claims the driver told him the bus was leaving, closed the door on him (whacking him on the shoulder with it in the process), turned on the engine... but then didn't leave! Why all the deception? What has Libertas got to hide? Why was Keena denied access to the bus?
The true face of Libertas?
I can now exclusively reveal the reason for this surreal event. Libertas is run by a reptilian alien species taking human form in order to influence Earth politics. Keena was denied access to the bus because upper-echelon Libertas commanders were aboard in their lizard form in the act of harvesting prized mammalian meat from a young and impressionable volunteer. The student from Sligo was "visibly upset" as she had just been party to this horrific act. Libertas' ultimate goal is to destabilise the EU to the point where an invasion force can easily overwhelm our defenses and introduce their brand of brutal lizard governance.
All right, so perhaps this is only one possible reason for the surreal events. But coupled with the new information about Ganley's shady State-side associations, could it be true? I think that all right-minded citizens can only agree that, yes, it is.
Vote Yes tomorrow. Confound the reptilian menace.