30 January, 2008

Bleedin' Tea-Leaf!!

For those who don't know, I live in a house. I live in a house that I share with other people. This house does not belong to us. It is the property of a landlady. We pay her money so that we may stay in her house. This arrangement seems to me tantamount to extortion and I am often tempted to report her to the gardaĆ­. But such is the way of things.
Our landlady is mad by the way. And not in the "aw she's mad, you'll lover her" way or the wacky/zany/kerr-azy sense. I mean she's mentally unhinged. Check with John of Gods. 

Anyways, my housemates are as follows: 
Sean O'Dea, obnoxious bank official
Stinky Magee (real name), supposed journalist for free event guide
Laura McAllister, blond Kiwi pharmacist

A couple of days ago, Laura got a phone call from someone purporting to be a valuer who had been asked to perform a valuation of our house. What's this about, we all thought. Is our landlady selling the place up from beneath us and donating the proceeds to Uri Geller? Laura called her to find out.
"Piss off!" was the only answer forthcoming. 
So the valuer guy comes over on Tuesday night while I'm out. I come home round 11 to find Stinky Magee raising a ruckus.
"That estate agent fucker stole my Garbage Pail Kids collection!" he says.
"He was a valuer," says O'Dea.
"Why the hell would he come over just to steal your lousy Garbage Pail cards, you mentaller?" I counter. "Sure isn't he earning a mint doing his day-job?" I don't know that he is, but I'd say it's a safe bet.
"It was a crime of opportunity!" says Stinky Magee.
"Me arse," says O'Dea.
So, just to be on the safe side, I go up to the room and check all my stuff is still there. And what do you know, my iPod is missing. "Some bastard's after taking me iPod!" I shout down the stairs.
"You see? That guy was a bleedin' tea leaf!" replies Stinky Magee.

More news on this as it happens...

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