Richard Nixon, Saddam Hussein and now, Bertie. A nation mourns the impending loss of one of its shiftiest statesmen. As has been suggested already, I fully support the declaration of May 6th as a national day of celebration. My only concern is that militant factions of Fianna Fáil will exploit the power vacuum, resulting in civil unrest among the proletariat. I'm prepared though; I have a schooner docked in Dun Laoghaire Harbour, ready to speed me to the Isle of Whight at the first signs of trouble.
By the way, ever hand in your notice in a job only to have your boss say "It's all right, you can leave now." Well, we taxpayers are Bertie's employer. And I see no reason why he should have to work out his notice. Again, just a suggestion.
And while we're on the subject, I might as well point out yet another Herald Highlight (TM) from this week's freesheet:
This says it all doesn't it? I mean, the shock announcement of his resignation should have been anticipated given the outlandish desperate measures Bertie's resorted to this week. Not having read the story, I can only imagine a coven of Fianna Fáil occult adepts swathed in black robes chanting over the sarcophagus of the dead Haughey in an attempt to bring his evil spirit back from the other side. When CJ finally makes his appearance, he points a whispy, spectral finger at Ahern. "You were always a cute hoor, Bertie," he rasps, "but you're fucked now."
I only hope the tribunal doesn't ease up on him now; I want to see him whipped through the streets of Portlaoise...
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