From: boase@sanfranmail.com
Subject: RE: Compliment.
Date: 4 Sep 2006 14:22:01
Thanks for contacting the management of Bank of Africa Senegal, we shall revert to you shortly.
Subject: RE: FORGIVEN
Date: Mon, 4 Sep 2006 18:09:44
ATTENTION MR.WILLONZO TERRABYTE O'NUALAIN
ALWAYS BE POSITIVE IN YOUR THOUGHTS TOWARDS WHATEVER YOU DO SO THAT SUCCESS CAN BE ASSURED. BE OPTIMISTIC THAT IT WILL SURELY GO WELL FOR YOU.
YOURS SINCERELY
ABDULLAHI DJALLO
AMDYCHAMBERS,DAKAR-SENEGAL.
Subject: Help me out
Date: Mon, 4 Sep 2006 20:31:04
Hello honey,
Thanks for your mail of yesterday,i am glad to hear that you will get me out of the Camp soon,and that you will get the money to pay to our Lawyer,please try your best to send it tomorrow first thing please and inform me so that i can meet our Lawyer to ask him to do every fast as i can't wait to see you.
please send me the information as you send our lawyer the money.
As i wait to hear from you soon.
My great regards,
Miss Susi with love & trust.
Subject: Expensive legal charges PAID IN FULL
Date: Mon, 04 Sep 2006 22:12:15
ATTN: Amdy Chambers, attorney "at law".
This is to inform you of confirmation in acknowledgement of PAYMENT IN FULL TRANSFERRED VIA WESTERN UNION.
At approx. 16:30 hours today, 04 Sep 2006, US$2,450.00 (in dollars ($) of U S and A) were wired with the following RECEIVER DETAILS:
Name; Miss Faith Omagbon Osemwonyemwen
Address; 45 harmo grand yoff, Dakar Senegal.
Phone; + 221 557 10 26
You have requested the following SENDER DETAILS which I will now make appear before your very eyes in the form of the written word and numbers (digits):
1) The control number - 186-419-4769
2) The test question - Mother's maiden name
and answer - Spaniel
3) The name and address of the sender -
Willonzo O'Nualáin, 42A Plausible Avenue, Gobsheen, Co. Dublin, Irlandé.
IT IS EXTREMELY VERY URGENT THAT YOU KEEP THIS INFORMATION SECRET AND ONLY DISCLOSE IT TO THE EARS / EYES / OTHER ORGANS OF TRUSTED EMPLOYEES AND CASUAL FRIENDS.
Please confirm receipt of finds and then get to work on helping my Susi-poo escape form that god-awful country. Chop chop, you are not getting paid by the hour you know.
In trust and good humour,
Willonzo T O'Nualáin
Subject: EXCELLENT NEWS OF HAPPINESS / JOY
Date: Mon, 04 Sep 2006 22:38:33
Susi:
Are you okay? Really, I mean it, are you all right? You're not feeling unwell at all are you? Because if you were, I trust you would tell me about it straight away. I need to know if my darling is ill as soon as possible. It would be a shame if you were to contract some terminal ailment before you come to Dublin to be with me till death do us part and god puts asunder, etc. After your arrival, you have clearance to get sick all you like. Do you know what a living trust is?
Anyway, I have some GOOD NEWS for you this evening my Susi Susi: I managed to collect all the CASH needed by the LAWYER and TRANSFERED FUNDS VIA WESTERN UNION! I have already emailed the lawyer with the details of the transaction, so he may send his assistant to pick it up tomorrow. Probably at lunch time. Depending on the queue at the sandwich shop, it might be a little later. Let's say she gets it by 2.30pm, 3 at the latest. Another fifteen minutes to get back to the office. And voila! Mr Perry Mason can begin work on all those pesky letters and such.
I am so happy and aroused that you will be soon winging your way to me in a no-frills airliner (economy class seat). My pretty one, our interminably long fifteen day wait to lay eyes on each other may soon be over!
Also, apart from my adventures at the Western Union, I had a lovely day with the ould mother-in-law. We went go-karting and then to the zoo. Mama S was in good form (she completed twenty laps in 8:42, beating me by a whole 15 seconds!!) but became very maudlin while viewing the tapirs in the zoological gardens. Apparently as a child you had a tapir as a pet, named Andrew, but as he grew into adulthood, he began to take liberties with the maid while she was doing the dishes. Understandably, Daddy S was forced to shoot him and you cried for days. Mama S was so perturbed by this sudden memory that she ran away and I could not locate her, even on the little zoo train. I think it may be a little while until you hear from her.
Anyhoo, this is all my news for today. I hope you are doing well. Remember: try not to get into debt (i.e. gambling, internet shopping) before your departure from the camp, as we want the fortune to remain as massively huge as possible until your untimely demise, whenever that may occur.
Your firm friend and well-wisher,
Willonzo
X
PS Do you have any allergies?
Subject: hello my dearest daughter
Date: Tue, 05 Sep 2006 12:47:05
Hello my daughter Susi after very long tim no speaking it is i you mama Zainab speking. i think important i should talk you in eglish instead of our native tongue of Liberia whatever that may be,as you come to join me and you betrothed one soon heer in Dublin for life of happy and richness.
Big surpris,no? After years of endurring mostly terrible hardhips and soufering i finale find my little girl again one more timme. i miss you so much i wet myself on my face,when young man tell me he serch me out and let me know where you hiding in Dakar Senegal. i very distresed and scaerd that maybe you life isnot as happy and funny as i hope when years ago i run away from haus under attack from asasssins and bad men in the masks of animals on faces.
First thing let me telling you where i am for many years not with my baby girl. After asasssins come killing family i hide in hollowed out carcasss of large snake in kitchen cabinet and wait for bad men to leave. All this tim i thinking "How is my darling Susi,does she excape from killing?" But later i forget and leave to Malaga for sun holiday. Very lots of shame on me for doing this,but it is all over and forgotten now plus I bring you back a t-shirt with Garfield on it he is cat.
Then after some years working as talk show host on cable television,i come to Dublinn and live in "da flatz",is very nice home. For money i am street performer of educations purpose. Calling myself "The Human Legume" i dress in costume of peanut shell on Grafton Street and encourage little childrens to break shell with stiks knives etc so nut can excape. i come out of broken shell shouting "i am not nut,i am human legume!!" Childrens find this very funnys but continue with hitting,stabbing sometimes. Money is very okay though.
My Susi,i very excited happy to see you come in Ireland with money sent you by Willonzo. He is very good wise boy,he brings me a zoo and bowling and Quazar,we make much happiness joy. now is my time to leave to work dressing as giant pea on Sherriff Street.
Yo mama
Zainab Saleeby (Mrs.)
PS The history of Liberia as a political entity begins with the arrival of the black American settlers — the Americo-Liberians, as they came to be known, to Africa — who established a colony of “free men of color” on its shore in 1822 under the auspices of the American Colonization Society. The historical roots from which a majority of present-day Liberians derive their identity, however, are found in the varied traditions of the several ethnicities of indigenous Africans whom the settlers confronted in their struggle to gain a foothold in Africa and, later, extend their control into the interior.
Subject: please get back to me very urgent respond needed please
Date: Tue, 5 Sep 2006 15:28:17
Hello honey,
How are you today? i hope it is well Anyway let me say what i want to say as really i did not know what is going on between you and our Lawyer,please tell me what kind of inmpression are you trying to build between me and the Lawyer? i did not understand,canyou immagine that he called me told from the Rev. number talking to me the way i never expected use all kind of words in me all becasue of you,he to told him that you wrote him mail that you have send the required fees to him today he send his secretary to go to the western union to pick up the money so that he can start the paper work surprisely the secretary found nothing in the bankof westernunion only for the casher to tell her the you only send 7 CFA i mean Seven France Cifa what is that supose to mean honey are you just joking or you are serious with this transaction or not Actually you really get me up set or please is it a kind of error or what if it is please go and correact it,so that you don't hear some thing funny from my side if you can not help me I think there is no way or nothing i can do just to go and kill myself to leave this world to know that i will not fill any pain again ok.
Bye as i wait to hear from you.
My great regards
Miss Ssusi.
Subject: RE: Expensive legal charges PAID IN FULL
Date: Tue, 5 Sep 2006 15:30:59
ATTENTION MR.WILLONZO TERRABYTE O'NUALAIN
THANK YOU FOR SENDING ME 7FRANC, WHY HAVE YOU CHOSEN TO MAKE MOCKERY OF ME? DID I DO WRONG IN ACCEPTING TO WORK FOR YOU? PLEASE IF THIS IS A MISTAKE, THEN QUICKLY GO BACK TO THE WESTER UNION AND CORRECT THIS ERROR. MY SECRETARY FOUND ONLY 7FRANC WHICH IS LESS THEN USD1
I WANT TO BELEIVE THAT IT'S AN ERROR BUT NOT AN INTENTIONAL ACT FROM YOU. US$2,450 IS THE AMOUNT NEEDED AND WE FOUND ONLY LESS THAN 1USD IN THE TRANSACTION YOU MADE, PLEASE CORRECT THE MISTAKE IT WAS NOT DELIBERATE. THANK YOU.
YOURS SINCERELY
ABDULLAHI DJALLO
AMDYCHAMBERS,DAKAR-SENEGAL.
Subject: Compliment.
Date: Tue, 05 Sep 2006 16:07:17
Bank Of Africa Senegal(BOASE)
39,Av.Leopold Sedar Senghor,
Dakar Senegal.West Africa.
Tel: 00 221 466 2471
Fax: 00 221 892 4845
Attn:Mr.Willonzo O'Nualain
We have several ways through which you can invest this fund but you are advised to quickly respect the rule of the bank first. You have not officially/legally proved yourself in the claims therefore you have little or no right to inquire for investment on this said fund untill you present the required documents approved by the Republic of Senegal. However, you have limited days to provide this documents because time is also part of our security protocol, therefore do not say that you were not informed officially.
Thanks for your co-operation.
Yours faithfully,
Mr.Omar Ndiaye.
Foreign operations & International Remittance Dept.
(Bank of Africa Senegal,Dakar-Senegal)
--
___________________________________________________
Subject: RE: please get back to me very urgent respond needed please
Date: Tue, 05 Sep 2006 21:49:51
Susi Susi, my little Liberian Librarian,
Do they have libraries in Liberia? If so, do they have librarians? If so, do they get confused when asked by law enforcement officials what their occupation is and give their nationality by accident? I know I would!! Commander tear this ship apart and bring me the passengers, I want them alive.
Okay, so I got your email this afternoon and immediately RUSHED OUT THE DOOR TO WESTERN UNION to find out what the hell happened to my money. I spoke to the same man who assisted me yesterday with the transfer. Look sir, droids!
Apparently, there was a mistake on his behalf: he believed the large sum I had given him to be a gratuity and that I had intended to transfer only EUR0.01. AN HONEST MISTAKE, the silly sausage assured me. He said he would transfer the remaining greenbacks TODAY and gave me new information, which I will send to the LAWYER IMMEDIATELY. Help me Obi-wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.
I hope this is clear and that it makes everything all better. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not top yourself, as I would not be able to bear the thought of you with your head in an oven, a most unpleasant mental image. DON'T WORRY!! Lock S-foils in attack formation.
I will email the lawyer now. Use the force.
Much love, peace out
Willonzo
PS Let's blow this thing and go home.
Subject: RE: Expensive legal charges PAID IN FULL
Date: Tue, 05 Sep 2006 22:03:18
Okay, keep your pants on Matlock.
SINCERE and dubious APOLOGIES, I am very highly SORRY that there was an ERROR with the TRANSFER of CASH yesterday AFTERNOON.
The staff at Western Union have also apologised and I would like to convey their feelings to you for them and on their behalf. They very kindly offered to send you a box of Cadbury's Flakes by way of compensation for your secretary's inconvenience. Did she manage to take a lunch at all today? I hope so, she works very hard. You should give her a raise. Please confirm receipt of said Cadbury's Flakes so I may pass on your thanks.
The REMAINING FUNDS HAVE BEEN TRANSFERRED TODAY. Details as follows, stand by.
Stand by.
Stand by.
Just a second.
Here they are:
1) The control number - 297-520-5870
2) The test question - What is the capital of Laois?
and answer - Pat Kenny
3) The name and address of the sender -
Willonzo O'Nualáin, 42A Plausible Avenue, Gobsheen, Co. Dublin, Irlandé.
Again, PLEASE ACCEPT MY DEEPEST APOLOGIES AND CONDOLENCES for what must have been a severely traumatic experience.
May we speak again soonest.
Your constant companion,
Willonzo
Subject: RE: Compliment.
Date: Tue, 05 Sep 2006 22:09:55
Omar my man,
You looking fine my brother, super-fly. You officially pimped.
Thank you for your response. It is unusual however that you suggest there is a time limit on my investment. Is this the case? Will you refuse to help me and my wife with our riches? I hope not, as that may well cause me to weep profusely.
Anyway, I will assume that you will be happy to continue a good relationship with the Saleeby family moolah. I have read on Wikipedia that
"Senegal faces deep-seated urban problems of chronic unemployment, socio-economic disparity, juvenile delinquency, and drug addiction -- much as produced within hierarchically class-based populations in the developed/industrialized world's urban environs."
Is this true? If so, it may be worth investing in narcotics. Can you hook me up? I know you're holdin'.
What it was, yo.
Willonzo
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