14 February, 2008

Susi Saleeby - Chapter 3: Meet Fr Mickey Minge

From: "Susi"  
Subject: Please honey contact the bank for transfer. Date: Mon, 28 Aug 2006 16:54:45

Hello My Darling Sweetheart,

I thank you once again for your kindness towards me.
Remember i trust you honey that is why i am giving you all this informations.My love is for you and you alone.
Meanwhile like i told you before here in the camp is very hot is like one living in the prison we find it defficult to go out all the time.Anyway I have informed the bank about my plans to claim this money and the only thing they told me is to look for a foreign partner who will stand on my behalf due to my refugee status and according to the laws of this country that i did not have right to transact a business with any of the financial institution. 
Anyway for you assisting me you will have 15% of the total money for helping me In this regards and l have mapped 10% for any expenses that might come in this transfer and the remaining money will be managed by you in any business of your choice. 
l will like you to contact the bank immediately with this information,tell them that you are my foreign partner and that you want to know the possibilities of assisting me transfer my $3.7 million dollars deposited by my late father of which i am the next of kin. 

The contact informations of the bank are as follows,

Bank Of Africa Senegal(BOASE)
39,Av.Leopold Sedar Senghor,
Dakar Senegal.West Africa.
Tel: + 221 466 2471 
Fax: + 221 892 4845
Direct mail: boase@sunumail.sn
Contact person: Mr Omar Ndiaye

Account number ALC745I08601546/QB/91/B.



This is the account information of the fund.

Account Holder.........................Dr.Elie E.Saleeby
Nationality................................Liberia.
Account number............ALC745I08601546/QB/91/B
Amount been deposited............$3.7 Million.
Code...........................IDBS/457/#/SFC/2000
Series.........................IDBS/733GZA 
Next of kin .............Miss Susi.Saleeby. 

Contact them now on how to transfer the $3.7 million dollars deposited by my late father of which i am the next of kin.My dear i am glad that God has brought you to help me out from this situation and i promise to be kind and will equally need you in every area of my life plus investing this money since i am still too young to manage it.As i told you before,this camp is just like a prison and my prayers is to move out from here as soon as possible.Please make sure that you contact the bank for more information ok. l am waiting to hear from you soonest!. Yours forever 
Miss Susi with love & trust.


From: "Willonzo O'Nualain"  
Subject: RE: Please honey contact the bank for transfer. 
Date: Mon, 28 Aug 2006 22:48:02

Dear my sweet loveliness Susi of the golden hair, 

I know you do not have golden hair, but that is one of the many things we can change in your new life when you come to Ireland. And good news! I know someone who works in the immigration bureau, and he told me it will be easy to bribe him to process your asylum application in a timely manner! Thank god for your dad's money, because I'm completely smashed this month! 

Speaking of which, I will get in touch with the BANK in SENEGAL immediately and advise them of the imminent TRANSFER. Then I will be rich. I mean, that we will both be rich, and I am all the richer for having a loving African partner like you my darling beautiful loving pretty Susi. (Phew, think I got away with that. Have to be more careful! Thank Jesus no one can hear my internal monologue or I'd really be in trouble...) 

I am glad that nothing bad has happened to you. You had me worried for a while, I thought the gestapo had kicked the doors down and dragged you away for interrogation or something. Good god, it must be a terrible life... I say prayers of thanks every day for delivering me to you as your lord and saviour. Finally I will have someone who owes me their life, something I have always wanted. Kind of like a wookiee life debt, but I trust you do not have as much fur! 

Anyway listen, assuming you're coming over in the next couple of weeks, how'd you like to go to a wedding with me at the end of September? It's down in the country and I need someone to split the hotel room with me. Actually, since you're so bleedin rich, it wouldn't kill you to spring for the whole thing yourself would it? Grand stuff. You'll have to do a bit of shopping when you get here though, can't have you dressed like a complete skanger at the wedding. I'll make an appointment for you at Peter Marks as well, once I know when you'll be here. 

Also, you will have to learn to speak some Irish, as everyone here is bilingual and speaks both English and Irish. For example- "Googlee goolee chooga prang tic tic" means may god bless your unborn child and may he grow to be a soldier for righteousness against the robot overlords. This is essential for greeting pregnant women and men in Dublin. I will send you a phrase book. 

I am relaxing this evening, listening to the U2. What kind of music do you like? 

Hope to hear more about you in the immediate future, 
Your most intimate and overwhelmingly intensely affectionate acquaintance, 
Willonzo bunny 
xXxXxXxXxX 
x

 

 

From: "Willonzo O'Nualain" 

To: info_boase@accountant.comboase@sunumail.sn

Date: Mon, 28 Aug 2006 23:10:22
Subject: ATTN: Mr Omar Ndiaye - Transfer of funds for Ms Susi Saleeby


Good afternoon all good people and employees of Bank Of Africa Senegal(BOASE)
39,Av.Leopold Sedar Senghor,
Dakar Senegal.West Africa.,

Please pay careful attention to what I am about to write down in words in this email:

Ms SUSI SALEEBY, currently in exile in a refugee camp in Dakar, Senegal, has asked me to assist her in acquiring what is rightfully hers by the natural law of INHERITANCE known to every red-blooded man the world over. It is only fair that when a man dies in horrible circumstances - killed by assassins no less, and would I ever like to get my hands on those pesky bastards - that he should be able to pass on his questionably amassed millions to his NEXT OF KIN, his own slender, well proportioned daughter, who may not be blonde yet, but that can be FIXED.

Ms Saleeby, daughter of the afore-mentioned dead Dr ELIE SALEEBY (do you happen to know what he was a doctor of?) has asked me to act as trustee and receive the lovely millions of her dead papa's account. The details of the proposed transaction are as follows:-

Transfer from:
Account Holder.........................Dr.Elie E.Saleeby
Nationality................................Liberia.
Account number............ALC745I08601546/QB/91/B
Amount been deposited............$3.7 Million.
Code...........................IDBS/457/#/SFC/2000
Series.........................IDBS/733GZA
Next of kin .............Miss Susi.Saleeby. 

Transfer to:
Account Holder: Willonzo Turnip O'Nualáin
Nationality: Ireland
Account number: 555100879
Amount been deposited............$3.7 Million.
Sort code: 90 00 17
Bank of Ireland,
2 College Green, Dublin 2, Ireland

I have tried to make this as clear as possible so no one makes any mistakes, see? That said, if there's anything missing here, like some kind of fees that need to be paid or something, then please contact me immediately. It is VERY URGENT that these funds are transferred as soon as possible as my visa bill is due shortly and it is sizeable.

Thanks and regards,
Mr. Willonzo T O'Nualáin
Chairman, Young Fianna Fáil (retired)


From: "Father Mickey O'Flange"  
Subject: Greetings of the great spirit be upon you 
Date: Mon, 28 Aug 2006 23:45:52

Peace and blessings of the almighty Lord of all creation be with you, my fellow god botherer,

My sincere apologies for disturbing you at this late hour, but I have been given your email internet address by a young friend of mine, a certain Willonzo O'Nualáin. But wait! I shall come to that in but a moment: first I must apologise for any offence you might take at my name. 

You see, my name is Fr. Michael O'Flange, an Irish name originating in the town of Smegma, County West Meath. Unfortunately, the word "Flange" is a rude word in the English language, but not in Irish, so many English speakers find it difficult not to be enraged when I introduce myself. Thusly I have endured many a lethal blow to the head. I make a joke often, saying that I have turned more cheeks than I have had hot dinners. I suppose for many Africans, it might be possible to say that for real.

So I have devised a way around the rudeness of my name, and that is to have friends call me Fr. Mickey Minge. This saves me much embarrassment as you might imagine! So please, call me Mickey Minge and we will be the best of friends - I will call you Reverend however, as I cannot stand excessive familiarity.

Rev, it has come to my attention that young Willonzo has been in touch with you concerning certain spiritual matters. Apparently, you have been advising him and even administering the sacrament of contrition via electronic letter. 

While I am heartened that young Willonzo wishes to expand his religious horizons and learn more about the love of Christ, I feel I need to warn you that he is an extremely impressionable boy. Very recently, he donated EUR5 to the Irish Cancer Foundation, a pointless expense as cancer is one of God's weapons against the sinful, as I'm sure you know. My point is, a fool and his money are easily parted, and by that I mean, Willonzo is considering leaving the catholic church.

I had a brief discussion with him this evening during the course of which he confided in me a desire to join the heathen gatherings of Buddha, doubtless to bestow on them his life savings. As it says in Zephanaia 76:93-1009. "Give ye not the blind beggar boy thoust purse, for he knoweth not how much it containeth. Rather, taketh thee his stick of white and smite him, for he is cursedeth by the Lord." I need not tell you of all people how prescient this is. I myself slipped on a mashed grape tonight as a direct result of this madness and ended up with a stained cassock and a fractured skull.

In short Reverend Pedro, I trust that you will set my pretty young Willonzo straight and remind him that there is only one true church that deserves his attention and donations.

Many thanks and I look forward to hearing your response.

Your friend in holiness,
Fr. Mickey "Minge" O'Flange

PS We are having a raffle this weekend in the parish, the first prize is a hamper from Esteé Lauder and the second prize is hang gliding lessons. Tickets are EUR5 or EUR20 for a book of 5. How many shall I put you down for?

 

 

From: "Willonzo O'Nualain" 

Date: Tue, 29 Aug 2006 10:23:57

Subject: good news!!!

Hi my honey sweetheart and all-round fine piece of tail Susi, 

I just had some great news and couldn't wait to share it with you. Remember when I sent a letter to Bono protesting the destruction of my home to make way for Bertie Land? Well he wasn't on tour at all! And he emailed me this morning!!!! 

Unfortunately, he fully supports the construction of Bertie Land - I suppose I should have expected that. But... I happened to mention your situation to him in the same letter and he is very interested. He said he might get Adam Clayton to write a song about you Susi!!! How cool would that be????? 

And (although I don't want to get your hopes up too high) he also said he would definitely play a giant rock concert at your refugee camp in Senegal! Would you like that? Of course you would! 

Anyway, I have to get back to work, a customer has just taken out a gun. Talk to you later oh Susi of the lime green eyes! (Can you wear contacts?) 

Your love for all eternity and into the darkness of the hereafter, 
Willonzo 
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo 



From: "Bank of Africa Senegal"  
To: "Willonzo O'Nualain"  
Subject: Confirm receipt. 
Date: Tue, 29 Aug 2006 13:01:14

Bank Of Africa Senegal(BOASE)
39,Av.Leopold Sedar Senghor,
Dakar Senegal.West Africa.
Tel:  + 221 466 2471 / Fax: + 221 892 4845

 

Attn:Mr.Willonzo T O'Nualáin.

I am directed to acknowledge receipt of your request for our modalities to permit you represent Ms Saleeby Susi in her claims to close and transfer her late father's deposited funds into your nominated bank account. Be informed that your application for claim, closure and transfer on behalf of Ms Salleby Susi have been forwarded to the board of our directors for investigations, shortly we shall revert to give you details of what you are to comply with before the account can be withdrawn. Thank you.

 

Yours faithfully,
Mr.Omar Ndiaye.
Foreign operations & International Remittance Dept.
(Bank of Africa Senegal,Dakar-Senegal)

 

 

From: "Bank of Africa Senegal"  
To: "Willonzo O'Nualain"  
Subject: Fund Release Requirements. 
Date: Tue, 29 Aug 2006 13:53:05

Bank Of Africa Senegal(BOASE)
39,Av.Leopold Sedar Senghor,
Dakar Senegal.West Africa.
Tel :  221 466 2471
Fax:  221 892 4845

Attn:Mr.Willonzo T O'Nualain.   

In view of your request for claims, closure and transfer of deposited fund belonging to Dr.Elie E. Saleeby. We sincerely apologise for late response, thorough investigation has been conducted and your information coincided with those we have in our records based on the reports from our payment verification board.
 
Be informed that before we can effect further transfer, we need to receive to the following proofs from you to prove that you have been mandated by his next of kin (Mss.Susi Saleeby). 
 
(1) Forward a scaned copy of your identity. 
(2) Present the last written WILL of late Dr.Elie E. Saleeby.
(3) Letter of probate from the high court of Dakar-Senegal. 
(4) A copy of Dr.Elie Saleeby`s certified death certificate.
(5) A power of attorney signed/notorised by a Senegal based lawyer to empower to represent her.
(6) Present a sworn affidavit of oat/support from high court of Senegal.
 
We hope that you will understand that our request for the above documents and informations is part of the our security protocols to avoid fraudlent claims or an unwarranted taking advantage of his absence by some individuals or some other distance relations who might have had access to his privacy. 
 
On receipts of the above documents/informations, we shall verify them and once we are satisfied, we shall process your claim and effect the transfer.

  Thanks for your co-operation.

Yours faithfully,
Mr.Omar Ndiaye.
Foreign operations & International Remittance Dept.
(Bank of Africa Senegal,Dakar-Senegal)

 


From: "Susi"  
Subject: please honey contact the bank

Date: Tue, 29 Aug 2006 15:50:20

Hello my dearest Sweet honey,

Thanks for your mail it is great hearing from you,Anyway let me quickly use this time to tell you that you should please don't tell people about our transaction let it be confidencial between you and me for our security reasons,as soon as the money get to your account then you can tell it to any body,why i am saying this is because you don't have to trust people let that you know some people did not want other people progress that is what you have to know please let this our transaction be confidencial please honey promise me that ok.

Meanwhile let you said you want me to go with you to a marriage by september end that means i have to be there with you within the shortest time,all you have to do now is to contact the bank now tell them that i am your wife that you are bringing me to our of the refugee camp to your country for our marriage that will take place by september.............that you want me to be with you before that time so that they can respond to you on time.

Meanwhile i have to let you know this on time before it's too late,Like i told you before that as soon as the transfer get to your account in your country there you will send me some money for my preparation for coming to meet with you as i did not have an international passport or any valid documents for travelling i only have with me my liberia ID Card and refugee paper here in Senegal.

So please contact the bank for the transfer to be made on time as i did not have row cash with me at hand,Honey let's give thanks to God almighty because for what he has join together let no man put Asunder.

One love keep us together.
As i wait to hear from you soon.
My great regards,
Miss Susi with love & trust.

 

 

From: "Willonzo O'Nualain"  
Subject: RE: please honey contact the bank 
Date: Tue, 29 Aug 2006 16:40:16

Dearest Susi-doll honey bunny and etc. 

First of all, don't worry your pretty little head about me telling anybody about our little plan. The last thing I need is people coming up to me in the pub asking for a free drink just 'coz I happen to be a millionaire. Where were yiz all last week? Eh? Oh yeah, yer all fierce friendly now that I've got a bit a dosh to splash around, but there was no sign of ya when I was trying to fit the last of the horse in the fridge-freezer 'coz we couldn't afford batter burgers!! 

Secondly... you think we should get married? Well, it was actually my friend that was getting married, not me, but... Now that you've asked... Well, it's all so sudden! I'm all a fluster and a flutter!! Well, yes, yes, a thousand times yes!! Oh darling, you make me so happy. I know not what I would do without you my little snuggle-bunny. God forbid that something should get in the way of our blissful life of marital contentment and adequacy! Oh but now there's so much to do; I must contact Pound City to organise the wedding list and maybe we could have the reception in Fibber Magees... Oh my oh my, no time for this blasted happiness! Busy busy busy!!! 

By the way, my favourite band is the U2. What kind of music do you like? 

Your sometimes distant lover but deep down you know he loves you with a quiet intensity that would melt steel like Superman's laser vision, 
Willonzo 
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

PS Have you heard from Bono yet?

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